Ed Boyz Get Money
by Dustbunny3
Summary: [One-shot][EdEddEddy] Future fic, established relationship. After tormenting his boyfriends with his new favorite song all day, Eddy realizes he's got the lyrics wrong.
A/N: Man, I suck at crossposting... Anyway! I wrote this last year for Eddy Appreciation Week on Tumblr. It's based on the FEMM song "Fxxk Boyz Get Money"- or, more accurately, by the misunderstanding of the lyrics by some. I don't see FEMM's music being something Eddy would actually be into, but I do think he could appreciate the content of this song. Or, for the purposes of this fic, what he thinks are the contents of this song. Takes place a ways into the future when the Eds are young adults and assumes them living in sin in a stable poly relationship. Enjoy!

.

Eddward was rinsing the vegetables for dinner when he was grabbed from behind– and, more alarmingly, his earmuffs were pulled away and the cotton he'd stuffed into his ears was yanked free on one side.

"Ed!" he yelled as he found himself trapped against a familiar– and ill-smelling– wall of strength. "No!"

"Double Dee!" Ed stage whispered right up against the side of his head. "Double Dee, _listen_!"

"I listened for half the day, Ed," Eddward said, struggling against Ed's hold, "because _someone_ used my earplugs in an impromptu art project. I won't be held responsible for what I do if I have to listen to–"

He stopped then, because that's when he heard it: Nothing. Oh, there were the usual sounds of the place settling, of the bustle outside, but there was no note of the odious and repetitive noise that had driven him to plug his ears. Every few seconds, he'd think it had started up again, only to realize the sound was all in his own head.

"… Eddy?" he ventured, but not nearly loud enough to be heard from the bedroom, where Eddy was holed up; wariness of prompting the noise to start up again stole his voice. Worry urged him to open his mouth to try again, but still he found himself turning to ask Ed instead, "Is Eddy okay?"

"It just stopped, Double Dee," Ed told him, still stage whispering right up against his ear. At last, he relaxed his grip, letting Eddward resettle on his feet. He was staring in the direction of Eddy's room, tense and twitching. All at once, he straightened to his full height, gasping so hard that he choked before blurting out, "What if he was abducted? We must rescue him!"

"Of course we will, Ed," Eddward humored, offering a consoling pat to Ed's arm. "We'll just make sure the abductors keep the music player, shall we?"

Ed paused to consider this a moment, then nodded vigorously. Eddward chuckled and led the way to the bedroom. Ed stuck close the whole way, stooped over him in a protective hunch, and shot looks around the empty hall like the picture frames might be hiding monsters. That along with the quiet, which should have been blessed, conspired to make the short trek feel tense. Eddward found himself pausing in front of the bedroom door, and realized to his own chagrin that the fist he raised to knock was shaking.

He and Ed shared a look. Ed shrugged, helpless, and Eddward shook himself to try and rally some sensibility. Taking a deep breath, he rapped three times on the closed door before he could talk himself out of it.

"Yeah?" Eddy called from inside. Not abducted then, and he didn't seem to be in any distress. The normality of the response felt surreal.

"Eddy, might I come in?" Eddward asked politely.

Eddy snorted, intentionally loud enough to hear, and said, "It's your room, too, y'know?"

"It's still polite to ask permission when the door is closed, Eddy," Eddward lectured (not that he was sure by that point why he bothered) as he opened the door just enough to poke his head in. A quick look around showed situation normal; Eddy had left a mess of magazines and bags of chips in his spot on the bed and was currently flipping through his record collection. Eddward dared to come fully inside the room, but had barely opened his mouth when Ed bounded past him to scoop Eddy into a bear hug.

"We thought you had been abducted!" Ed cried, squeezing Eddy tight despite his protests and swinging him around in his exuberance. "Everything went quiet!"

"What Ed is trying to say," Eddward cut in, raising his voice to be heard over them both, "is that we became concerned when we could no longer hear your… music."

"And you _just_ came in?" Eddy growled– though perhaps that had more to do with his attempts to free himself from Ed's affections than anything else. "I turned that off like ten minutes ago."

Eddward looked at Ed, who had stopped swinging around at this pronouncement and dropped Eddy to bring one hand to his chin and the other to the top of his head as his lips and brow scrunch in concentration. After a few moments of this pose, he turned to Eddward with a shrug and insisted, "I heard it, though, Double Dee."

"Pft, yeah, it's a pretty catchy tune," Eddy said, picking up a record seemingly at random. "That's why I need to stick something else on before it worms too deep."

"Too deep?" Ed fretted, clutching at his ears.

"Is that why you finally turned the song off?" Eddward asked, ignoring Ed and hoping the conversation would carry him away from his fanciful worries.

"Nah, I could have kept listening," Eddy tossed over his shoulder as he put the needle on his record– a Barry White album, Eddward recognized as the first notes kicked up. "I just finally realized what the words were."

Eddward puzzled over this as Ed began to sway in time to the music.

"I realize you were listening to a Japanese musical duo, Eddy, but you do realize that their lyrics were in English, correct?"

"Well, duh, whaddaya take me for?" Eddy demanded, arms crossed. "I just misheard them was all."

"After a hundred repeats?" Eddward asked, less than impressed.

"Shut up, they weren't clear enough," Eddy insisted. "I just realized them and me have very different priorities."

Eddward almost made a comment about Eddy's unexpected vocabulary, but held it in in favor of a curious, "Oh?"

"Yeah," Eddy said. His irritated expression morphed smoothly into a cheesy grin and he moved swiftly, grabbing the comforter and giving it a strong flip to throw the debris off of it and onto the floor, effectively catching Ed's attention to himself. There was no time to protest before he had somersaulted onto the bed among the fluttering bedding and laid himself out in an alluring pose. He curled a beckoning finger at both of them. "I wanna fuck boys _and_ get money."


End file.
